PEREGRINATION

(1)She was walking through the green path ; he was there beside her .She knew he loved her but she was unaware of her heart's wishes though she blushed as she tried to put her ' orna ' in its proper place which she had worn only because someone had said the day before that he likes girls in salwar and to be more precise , his words were , “ I would prefer to see my wife in a salwar “. Lots were to be revealed : the kiss on the hand, that sudden unknown happiness of that unknown feeling of being cared by someone, of being loved by someone, of belonging to someone … all at the same time when that someone meant that one and only person ,awaited for the time. And the world too waited for that time and he, Triborgo, also, patiently while she , Sourindhri could see herself in front of the mirror with a different identity.) (2) That cold winter morning had changed them. From best friends to lovers; no ...it did not happen in a single day ; it was a journey … a journey of knowing the souls, a journey of getting united with true love and they took the decision out of their own volition. And every journey had its obstacles. This one too had its own and situation prevented them from meeting yet it was the same situation that sang for their long awaited union. Friends were happy and their facebook accounts were over flooded with greetings and good wishes. (3) Sourindhri was with Triborgo celebrating their 1st month of courtship with their 1st movie together. Winter was in the city; love was in the air; university was closed and the two lovers were with each other. The perfect fairy tale romance !! It was just the way Sourindhri wanted it – her prince charming and just love … nothing to worry about . Those naiveté hearts were still to come across the hard reality. (4) The people of the city still share an unique life style. While most of the parents allowed their children to stay back after college, there were some families, highly conservative, who wanted their children home before evening sets in and nothing mattered to them except a gpa above 8.5 , a 1st class and a rank in the class. Sourindhri and Triborgo were dragged into the humdrum of their daily life and their romance followed with early morning hurries to reach university early, little bunks , proxy in lab, running away for lunch no sooner than the professor had left the class and waiting for each other till the other one was free and then walking home on lazy afternoons. Understanding grew and the flower was blooming to maturity revealing her variegated petals. Their world of professors , friends and their mothers accepted them “ together.” (5) Spring came with her iridescent demeanor letting the duo fly on Cupid's wings welcoming Saraswati puja in violet saree and golden punjabi , 14th February in the breeze of an isolated “ ghat “ ending with Sanskriti's last night under the dark, clear sky. Opus and onus were given their due importance and were shared equally. It was a careless life guarded by studies, parents, professors and friends and both of them , though aware of their upcoming separation , paid no heed knowing things won't matter much. Colors of holi made them blush. Spring manifested her gaiety and aura in the two lovers. (6) Summer came with the blast of heat rashes on Sourindhi's body. Baffled , she fell in a state of affliction and her cumbersome hands and body could only make her eyes lachrymose. The incident broached a new dimension in their courtship as Triborgo mollified her with his constant care, regular check ups and his constant support as he kissed her hand , giving her the strength , “ don't worry , you will be fine “ , bringing back her smile which faded every morning as Sourindhi would find herself scarred as she washed her face and looked at the mirror. Triborgo's patience , care and love kept her happy in those weeks and his beloved would chortle at his silly pranks and jokes. Yes, after the end of the second week, Sourindhri got back the beauty but it was not her beauty, it was the beauty of Triborgo's love, that manifested in her. (7) Birthday celebrations , Smirnoffs and Carlsbergs were followed by the exam stress , the vivas , project submissions, conferences and of course movie made its time too in them . Both of them carried an air of “ exam.. who cares “ yet they devoted less time to skype calls and a little more time to studies . But regular meetings would not stop and no matter what the exam was , no matter how much they knew about the syllabus, going out of the house for 1 hour was a daily routine . Addled by love, Sourindhri looked forward to see him everyday and he could not but had to be with her even before an hour of the exam and he waited for her till she would complete her paper and run into his arms. No matter what, they would not let anything to make them apart. (8) The 1 month summer holiday passed in a jiffy leaving Sourindri alone in the university campus to complete her masters while Triborgo had to join his job in a reputed multinational company. But till the last day, they were not about the storm that was coming. Summer ripened their fairy tale romance and it was all about movies, long summer dresses, lunches , idle walks , pranks … it was all about being together. The long drive was very special for them as Triborgo's expertise in driving entangled with his secret romantic nature that revealed itself in its full diorama wove an enchanting memory for them in the tunes of romantic songs that played in the car as he drove through the high way with his pretty Sourindhri beaming and blushing . Sourindhri felt his visceral presence and so he did hers and waited what awaited them with the trust and faith that they will always be together. (9) No sooner than Triborgo had joined his joined his job, it became impossible for Sourindhri to acclimate to the new situation and tears became her sole companions. It was soon she started visiting Triborgo's office during his lunch time and seeing him for 1 minute was enough an anodyne. The road was long and even though Sourindhri was unwonted to such long journeys, she would go and would walk in sun and rain employing more strength than one has to climb the acclivity and the thought of seeing her beloved would actuate her and a look at Triborgo's face, the touch of hands and the depth of eyes were the emollients of Sourindhri's distress. Rain came with her animosity as Sourindhri stood with her effusive tears as she watched Triborgo from his office , helpless and weak to break the barrier that prevented him to come out of his office building and hold her hand. Sourindhri did not know how to live with memories and it was impossible for her to live without him but within two weeks, he was transferred to construction site , out of state. (10) There was nothing to abate Sourindhri's pain against the inimical situation. These multinational companies take away a person's life by paying him money , buying him and making him their puppy, chained , providing a good kennel, good food and a place far away from his family, forcing him to work throughout day and night. Sourindhri became a living fossil of old memories, of good times and this contrived separation enervated her body and soul and she cried every moment with nothing to palliate. Triborgo tried to to manage time to talk but he was in fetters and the news that they would not be able to meet for months made the situation more harrowing.Sourindhri's only resort was her God, Lord Shiva, her trees and her skills to indite and her tears which did not stop ruining her psychologically and physically as she spent every moment in deep languor , moribund to see her beloved and to get to talk to him. (11) Lights were fading. The old couple were leaving the park accompanied by their sons and daughters, who had flown to them from different parts of the world to celebrate their 25th marriage anniversary . The party was to be held in one of the best hotels of Auckland and Sourindhri, even though she had grown enough had not loquacious nature but only projected it when she was alone with her husband. “ It has been a long time”, she said putting her head in his arms in the same fashion she used to do years back and Triborgo replied, “ yes , l-0-n-g time baby “ . They had been through all the pain , through all the hurdles stepping on the completion of their 25 years of “ togetherness “. (12) Then there was a lull. Sourindhri could see strokes of white light amidst darkness and a very known image started to appear in front of her.She felt her heart was leavened and the white image of Shiva Linga started taking shape in front of her . Behind that came a man wearing osseous ornaments with a crescent on his head , a snake around his neck and a trident on his hand with an imperturable aura. Sourindhri could hear nothing, could think nothing except the words, “ om namah Shivah “ and she felt she was at peace. (13) Suddenly her phone rang. Sourindhri opened her eyes, took the phone in her hands and saw that Triborgo was calling her. It was 11pm at night and the long awaited phone call. Phew !! Now she could open her heart out and tell him everything that she wanted to and he too had promised to her that once he was back in his guest house from office and was done with his work in his room, he would call her and talk to her and listen to her .. everything.. all that she had had saved throughout the day to tell him. And it was the time. Sourindhri picked up the call and from the other side of the line she heard Triborgo's somnolent voice , “ baby.. am extremely tired ..can we talk tomorrow please ? “ The smile disappeared from Sourindhri's face in that very moment and all that she could say was, “ oh.. okay.. good night.. love you”. There was no reply. Triborgo was too tired after his hectic day and had fallen asleep. Tears covered Sourindhri's eyes. She had lost to the situation. She was helpless. She cried and decided to go back to her meditation again.

Sati : a journey

Sati receited the panchali of Siva in a tone she learned from her mother decades ago when she was a child . “ mamma.. stop it.. please don't read so fast , “ protested Mahishasuramardini , her 6 year old daughter. Sati broke out into laughter and said , “ but it was you who wanted to know the story of Siva- Parvati and I am reading from this book on your wish madam “ , and she took up her child in her arms and in a teasing tone continued , “ so.. tell me what is wrong ? “ “ oh mamma , this is Bengali and your tone and I can't understand anything ..I am dumbfounded “ , protested the girl. “ you can't understand Bengali ? “ , Sati replied back in the same teasing tone .. “ some days you will get us both into trouble I tell you. Your father tries really hard to teach you Bengali after his office . Tiresome job he has . Respect that .” Her tone became serious and she continued , “ Mahishasuramardini Emilia Chakraborty .. I don't want you to be like me. I want you to know Bengali well like your father. If you claim that I am your best friend, then why can't you try and keep my request ?? “. Emilia hugged her mother and putting her head on her breasts, she said softly, “ mamma, I am trying but just could not follow. And besides you said today is Nil Shasthi. You can't make me sad today as you said you do it for me and my brother.. SO you have to tell me the story of Siva Parvati in prose version and slowly “ and she grinned. Sati smiled within herself and gave a deep sigh , “ like father, like daughter..sheyana kothakar .. and a few moments ago I was getting worried that you are becoming like me . Phew !! good for us !! “. “ hehehe “, Mahishasuramardini broke out into laughter.. “ now shoot or I will be late for my Spanish class and somebody is not going to like that “. Sati was now cornered. She closed the book bowed down and offered her prayers to the Siva linga, got up from her asana and handing over an apple to Emilia, she went towards the window. The weather was a little chilly in Auckland. She opened the window to breathe the fresh air ; taking a deep breath, she started saying , “ the story of siva parvati is about a journey of love, a journey of patience , a journey of sacrifice , a journey of understanding...” “ hey, wait a sec “, Emilia interrupted .” how can a journey of love be a journey of patience , of sacrifice ? “. ---“ because they are also a part of the journey “ . “ and does that mean Parvati loved siva ? And what about him? “ “ he loved her too “ “ then how come the point of journey comes? “ “ Siva was in kailash doig his job of protecting the universe. Parvati was miles away, a princess caged in a castle ; she used to come to kailasha secretly ; often she would not find Siva as he was busy and then after years of waiting she got united with her beloved and this union was blessed by everyone “ Mahishasuramardini listened with her mouth agape and with an air of excitement, she said , “ but mamma this is a myth.. right?? can it happen in real life ? “ “of course it does , “ Sati smiled back . “so do you know some story like that?? then tell me that one 1st “, Emilia blurted out. “hmm... I do “, Sati said in a deep voice. There was a pause . She looked at her silver watch. No ..it was not lunch time yet..She had taken a leave from her university that day for her 'brata ' and was waiting for her husband's call during lunch. Lots of memories clouded over her mind and she seemed to lose her thought process in them. “ mamma”...her lit tle girl shoted pulling the anchal of her saree. “ oho..yah the story”, replied the lady absentmindedly. “ yah .. tell the story mom.. I have to leave for my class in an hour” “ oh yah. The girl's name was Jita and the guy's name was Rup.” “ cooollll.. and then ?? “ “ achha, I will make luchis now and tell you while I do it “, Sati interrupted. “ uh okay “, Emilia said with a smile , “ but you said u are not going to have luchi now; you planned to eat in the evening na ? “ “ who said they are for me ?”, Sati blushed. “ oh , that means someone is going to get home made luchi and torkari in his office today “, Emilia grinned. “ stop teasing me .. “ , Sati complained and started making the luchis. “ so where were we ?” “ two lovers : Jita and Rup and then you started talking about lunch for you know whom” “ its your father “ “ nooo... it is your beloved..now about the lovers “. “ oh yah.. they were students of the same university; they were in love ; it was a fairy tale romance and their friends used to look up to them for their compatibility.Jita was in arts, a loner with strict parents who did not allow her to go out with friends and going out in the weekend was a big 'no no “ . She had to come back home everydy by 6pm . Rup meant everything to her. And yes she meant everything to him too. Even though he had a very close friend circle he would skip parties just to be with her. “ “ oh poor girl.. how can people be so strict with their children ?” “ in our times some were .. and then a week before the completion of their 8 months courtship, came the storm.Rup had completed his BE and he had to join his office, BOC while Jita had still 1 yr to finish her M.A. Rup tried his best to love his new job and awaited for his results of New Zealand. But Jita was too stubborn to accept that Rup was not with her. She cried every moment and prayed to God. Every nook and corner of her university, Jadavpur University , reminded me of the happy times we spent together. The canteen, the green zone, the gates, Blue Earth...just everything...She could not have her lunch while Rup was a fresher in his office and tried his very best to text her or call her. He was liking his new ambiance and he could divert his mind .That did not imply that he missed her.And... I became a living fossil of those happy days and strained my eyes to see him . Every moment I cried for him, I wanted to be with him.I could not was too carried away by sorrow to understand that he too missed me and cried every moment, whenever he called . 1st day passed in this way and Jita skipped her dinner waking up with the plan that she will meet him. She was determined. She can't live without seeing him and she had to find her way herself. On the 2nd day, she used eye liner on her eyes which Rup loved and told her father to pick her up from library around 7:30pm. She took a auto to Taratala and waited for 15 minutes. It was 6:15 pm and the place was not good for girls. So she managed to get a seat in the petrol pump there. But after 15 minutes, Rup informed her he won't be able to get out. He told her repeatedly not to come as he was uncertain.But she did not listen. Heartbroken she left and reached home crying desperately. It was suffocating. I felt like I could not breathe ;I cried in the washroom so that none could hear me; I cried by covering my face with the pillow. I just wanted to be with my Rup.I was addled by his absence . Rup felt extremely bad as he knew his Jita was upset. He was chained. He could not meet her. But he too was determined to see her soon. The next day Jita went during his lunch time. There were obstacles on the road, the rain, the traffic jam and the auto driver who was busy waiting to take passengers. And then after the struggle I was there...my Rup was standing outside his office. I could not believe it.He was there in formals. I could not believe I touched him. Though it was for 10 minutes, Jita was extremely happy. She came home smiling. 2 weeks passed like this. They could not meet everyday. But Rup tried and so did Jita. Often she would go and wait and come back without meeting him but there was always a next day. She started to concentrate in her studies. Rup was transferred to site outside their state and Jita waited to see him; sometimes days and sometimes months. And then Rup got through New Zealand and it was time to bid good bye to him. I was happy that he had to quit his stupid company... Oh how I hated it and how I cursed it .. these companies .. they make people work hard , stay away from their families and what are they making out of them? Machines.. nothing else. How can we expect a healthy generation if the fathers are always busy with their work? The employees were never completely happy. They were like Rup who had to earn and who had spouses waiting for them. Jita spent the months applying and this time too their love won and she got through Rup's university... and now they are happily married...” Sati gave a deep breath and tears rolled down her cheeks. “ OMG... this is so awesome “, Emilia said excitedly... “ mom, I always knew you are crazy for daddy but this is... yah.. it was a journey .. “ “ hey wait , “ Sati interrupted.. “ why are you talking about my relationship with your father??” “ mamma... cause you just told your story “. “ m..m,mmmy story? “ Sati tried her best to look confused as if Emilia had said something which is extremely strange. “ mamma... I kno that your nickname is Jita, you call daddy Rup and while telling the story you said ' I' and “ our “ instead of referring as ' her ' and ' their ' .. “ Emilia attacked her .. “ “ uh.. okay, “ Sati replied back...She was still dwindling in the memory line.. those tough days .. her husband always told her to be strong and promised her that a happy future awaited for them. He was right. She was given each and every happiness by her husband ; she was the mother of 2 loving kids and wife of an extremely caring and responsible husband . She waited patiently for him till he came to her hitler father and demanded her hand from him. She started packing the luchi , the french fries and aloo dum in tiffin carrier . Emilia had packed her bag and was going towards the door when her mom said ., “ wait.. I will drop you “. “ No ma,you go “, Emilia said pretending to be a grown up . “ or else you will be late for his lunch time and he will finish his lunch and nobody will be there to help you and daddy will only scold you if you cry.. So take my word and leave quickly . I will go now..” Sati was pleased by Emilia's maturity, Her daughter was becoming like her husband , the way she wanted it. “ yes baby .. and do bring Priyadarshan home with you. His mom , Shini is supposed to come by 4pm at our place .” “ sure.. and who else is coming? “ “ Das aunty “ “ and?? “ “ arey.. the mechanical monkeys .. you know them “, Sati laughed. “ you mean the husbands of your girl's gang “ , Emilia grinned. “ oi r ki ,... and your father too.. I just hope these luchis will make him come home early “ “ khete pele shute chaye “ “ now who taught you that??” “ Bengali lessons from daddy and I meant that mom.. bye .. “ Sati broke out into laughter. She dressed herself in a red saree, used eye liner and lipstick , took the keys and the tiffin box and drove towards her husband's office. If anyone could sit beside her he could hear her telling her husband over phone , “ Rup please wait... I will be there in 15 minutes .”

VOICE OF WORLD

A very familiar face smiled at me as I walked with my friends in our campus. I tried to recollect…..somewhere I have seen her….the girl who beamed at me; well fortunately Satabhusha made the first move and approached to me,” You are from NN , right ?” “Aha…..!! My junior from my school, Nava Nalanda…….” I replied her in glee;
“Satabhusha ……our trip to Voice of World ….” ,my voice reflected my excitement.
”Atreyi di….” ,exclaimed the girl and the next few moments flew by warm hugs and memories of the “THE DAY..” 19th of August,2008.


We had to part soon with promises of further meetings but our conversation, the day that has been left behind troubled my mind…..brought alive certain things or rather dreams withered away like the rose petals in hot summer; taking a sip of the hot black coffee I threw myself upon the chair….as my eyes flipped through the pages of Morrison’s Jazz, my mind was traveling somewhere else; realizing I have not read a single page in half an hour ….. and all I was doing was sipping off my coffee and with each sip saw flashes of old memories with the aroma of strong coffee bringing them back to life, I decided to put down the book; it was pretty late in the evening; seeing there can be no way my parents would let me go to the roof alone, I confined myself in my room as the sweet soft songs, some with a classical tone filled up the air of my room; my big teddy bear Rosaina had occupied major part of the bed; I managed a seat in front of the window and gazing at the twinkling stars and the trees….. I decided to pay heed to the chaos that created turmoil in my mind.

Satabhusha had changed a lot….its been 2 yrs; she was a year junior to me; since my school days I have been in good books of our teachers…timid ,out-worldly ,gentle and polite; my Secondary Level was the toughest time;death of my ‘jyatha ‘ ,who used to be my closest person,my best friend and guide and my extreme unwillingness to study science made me more and more dreamer…..I craved for a way to get out of that stagnant situation….my lips were weak to speak and tears in my eyes came as melted waters from my frozen heart; the year was 2008…. The year when our school completed its 40 yrs;as a part of its extravagant celebration, groups were send with donations to different foundations and I am still thankful to the teachers for choosing me among those fortunate students who got the honor of accompanying the teachers to the organizations; bearing the NN Flag I reached our main building followed by the long crowd of students; from there we got divided into groups and our group made way to Voice of World, an organization for blind children; comfortable I was, I could not help being a chatterbox and so was my companion , Satabhusha; but meeting this little friend after 2 years made me realize now the marks left by passing time over us; the two chatterboxes with full of excitement and enthusiasm had changed when they met at university campus; feminine nature graced Satabhusha ’s face while experience suppressed my enthusiastic character; time seemed to change everything……
“Are you still keeping in touch with Voice Of World ?” , I had asked Satabhusha to which she gave a positive answer ;I kept on wandering;it was not possible for me to do anything as a student;how can a girl from conservative Hindu family go around doing social work the whole day;I had been into that stuff;after school I did think of social work, and even went to slums when I was into it …..may be the 1st initiative of quitting it was taken by my parents but thanks to my close friends I realized it was for my own good; one of my closest friends had commented , “ a girl can easily get things done but her exposure to the world brings in other problems too “. I knew my friend was right….but helping the blind children was a lot different from the normal social work which included taking care of poor children,helping in treatments like thelasemia and all;the blind children…… I shivered thinking of them;my readers who are scared of darkness can understand what a feeling it is when one is left in a dark room without any access to light;once upon a time, a poet had remarked, “ a thing of beauty is a joy forever !! “ ; but what happens when one cannot see that thing of beauty!! What happens when one cannot see this light!! The poor children for whom I had once worked were much more blessed than my friends of Voice Of world; people put a lot of money , starting from businessmen to actors, directors, players…….. they all try helping out the poor children; I do have seen organizations for blind people but somewhere I felt there was more to be done for them; donating money can simply make them live….. it cannot give them life.

“ you have so many dreams for Mamoni “, Satabhusa’s words kept on echoing in my ears again and again; I could not give her a worthy reply…I had just passed it off with my words… “ well…. I do … some dreams take time to get fulfilled….. “ ; thank Heavens my friends called me up for something important and I could get the excuse to leave and promised to meet Satabhusa when I get time; but what was I doing ?? why was I trying to run away?? Was it for my inability to prove myself?? Was it my inability that being a senior I could do nothing?? Some questions in life simply don’t have answers; I still do remember Mamoni… the orphan at Voice Of World; she was blind and could not hear; hence could not speak; I still remember how quickly she came to my arms;I still remember her smile; I don’t know…. Sometimes even I too fail to understand my feelings… forget about the world understanding them; I don’t know from where the idea of adopting her came to my mind; but who will let me?? No one; and then again I am a simple college student and I have my family ….. and yes …. A conservative Hindu family !! the descriptions of nature given by Hellen Keller were far more beautiful and vivid than a common folk; even she was blind; even she could not hear; she did it all with other’s help; then why cant Mamoni?? Why cant she, too have a life?? Money is not the factor here…. And that ‘s the main point of difference in helping poor children and helping the blind people; I don’t know whether I am right or wrong ; its all from experience; its all about giving time and love; the world of blind people was different…… a lot different…..the universe is dark… yet it has planets, stars, comets, satellites, galaxies……. Their world is like it; we only have to feel it… we only have to feel them, understand them …otherwise beautiful unknown blossoms will get nipped in buds….. just like Mamoni …… just like other children of Voice Of World who gave such amazing performances in mimicry, playing musical instruments, singing , dancing; I don’t know why I was feeling bad for Mamoni…don’t know why unnoticed tears flooded my eyes…I have wanted to contribute something to this world…. I have always wanted to feel complete…. But this little girl….I don’t know…. Why I cared for her so much…don’t know was it the motherly affection that remains dormant in every girl that inflicted the pain in my heart… don’t know…. Why…. I felt bad…..I was staring at the sky…the dark sky seemed so far away….the deep darkness….. my eyes searched for stars….and I could feel my feet on the ground !!

Diary

Anushka kept down her phone;Akash’s shouts echoed in her ears as tear drops over flooded her eyes; grabbing the pillow she threw herself upon the warm cozy bed; she looked at her cell phone once again; she went through her phone book…. Nil’s number was already on her speed dial...still she felt like going through all the numbers …at Nil’s she stopped…may be she was committing wrong again…this time too…. But then again…. What could be the other ways!! Hurt and grieved Anushka gave it a second thought and picked up the pink diary that lay on her bed along with the mess of her stuffed teddy and doggies and pens and hair clips of all color ; Anushka’s bed was by the window side; it was around 9pm and the room was filled with soft romantic music ; a little wooden desk with scattered books, pens of all kinds, markers, pencils, lay in the corner of the room; books of literature from Voltaire , Rousseau, Dickens to the recent novels of Salman Rushdie , Arundhuti Roy , Toni Morrison adorned the shelves along with all kinds of dictionaries; her laptop was on the chair…. Her g-talk in idle state with her friends’ pings left unanswered; her wardrobe was closed and Anushka was still in her casuals….a soft cotton pink skirt of medium length and a white shirt ; she had left her medium hair open as her curls played freely over her shoulders , sometimes smiling gleefully by the frequent tickles of the cool breeze.
Taking her cute little pen , Anushka started writing down in her diary…. Stating the reasons why she was upset, the things that were going on in her mind……. The things that confused her…. The things that already had started creating a sense of regret within her….. still….. was the diary a solution?? Anushka never realized that…. Sometimes its worth to speak up things rather than penning them down in the diary; what can the diary do…it became a silent observer to her emotions…. But?? What else can it do?? Anushka’s mind never thought of this !!
It was around dinner time when the 18 yr old girl finished her writing; she was unusually quite over the dinner table and finished off her dinner too quickly as to escape from her parent’s quarries for anyone present at that moment could easily say she was not okay…That she was troubled by something serious; going to her room, Anushka put off her lights and went straight to bed; no Alice Walker that night; Walker’s book lay by the table untouched; the girl tried to sleep; she checked her cell phone :


2messages;
4 missed calls;

Unlocking her phone she went through the list;her best friend Sreya and Nil had tried her several times and they were the ones to text her; no ‘ sms ‘ from Akash; no call from Akash; Anushka opened her inbox; Sreya’s text went on like this :

Hiiee swtie…whr hv u bn dear ? calld u up 2 say m picking u up 2moro;Priam sd he z gonna tk us bth fr lunch;b ready by 10 ;tk cr..c ya..


The next SMS was Nil’s : hey…wassup?? Y didn’t u pick up d phn? R things ok?dunno y bt I flt sumhow dat u r nt ok..cld u up… whr hv u bn? Anyway..gud nyt..gv me a call if n whn u fl lik; n ya…jst remember m thr with ya alwys dear;tk cr;

Tears put her to sleep that night;things changed a lot after that; Anushka stopped reacting to Akash’s torture and whims; she stopped caring about where and with whom Akash goes out;she stopped running to him if they met in campus;she restricted her tears and delved deeply into books; she would make excuses of library if they had to meet; even the free time Nil, Akash, Sreya and Anushka got before their French classes ….. that too saw the girl absorbed in books;Akash was always with his masculine ego and temper and being Anushka’s boyfriend , he felt it was her duty to submit to him and care for him and it goes by all laws that she, Anushka , will bear the dominance and be his little doll; Sreya observed her friend and was certain of the fact that Anushka’s silence was ephemeral and that her friend would surely some day creep up to her and speak her heart out; the last person left to investigate into this matter was Nil; Nil had observed well that Anushka had been avoiding him; avoiding and being indifferent are two different things; Nil was clever enough to realize that and notice that.
Nil was a guy of highly observant character; he was cool minded and logical with eyes that could pierce through the veils of people knowing well the inner nature of those who are around him; “ something is wrong with Anushka !! “, he spoke up at last in the boy’s common room, addressing to Akash ;
“who? Nimishka?” , replied Akash in a surprised manner??looking at his laptop, he went on… “ why?? She chatted with me online this morn!! And you are saying…. !! “
Nil looked at him and paused for a moment;
“ hey dude !! “, Akash started laughing… “seems like you are the one having some problem !!”
Nil pulled back his chair and stood up; “ Akash, I said Anushka…. NOT NIMI WHATEVER !! “ his voice sounded a bit serious;
“ chill up man !! “, Akash replied back trying to retain his ‘ happy –go- lucky ‘ spirit ; “ she is an emotional fool !! don’t worry… I know she is silent but she will be normal “;
“ but how , Akash ?? “ , Nil’s voice sounded more serious;
“ come on… how am I going to know that ?? why are you asking me ?? “, Akash replied irritatingly;
“ why you ??you are her boyfriend , Man !! are not u supposed to !! “
Akash stood up…. “ hey… relax!! “ he said in a serious tone ; “ listen dude… its my personal matter how will I behave with my girlfriend!! GOT IT?? Nil…. Go and have some rest…you must be tired …we can discuss stuffs later !! “
Nil was enraged; yet he tried to retain his composure ; he felt like giving a blow to Akash but his patience stopped him; after all it was the common room and they were friends; but the primary point was that he did not want to discuss things in public;
“ am going !! “, he said coldly; closing his laptop he left; Akash nodded and started voice chat with a girl named Santosha ; Nil could only hear him saying, “ Santosha sweetie… “ he had no wish to hear all those stuff and gladly left the place; he made his way straight towards home; he had no French class that day and the classes were over; passing by the Football field of the campus, he chanced to meet his friends playing ; he rejected to join them and made a detour towards the arts department wishing at least to see Anushka or Sreya ; it was 5pm in the evening when he met Sreya and Priam in front of the arts department; seeing him Sreya waved , “ hi, Nil “ , she said smilingly ; Priam offered to have a handshake; Nil tried to smile… “ Anushka is silent these days…. “
“ yah!! I know”, replied Sreya in a bit worried tone; “ she did not tell you anything ?? “
“ anything meaning ?? “ enquired Nil;
“ I mean like why she is upset and all ?? “ ,Sreya spoke softly;
“ No !! “ , Nil gave a deep sigh; “ and you ?? “
“ nopes !! not me too “ , nodded Sreya ;
“ I am going home ; see you later !! “ , Nil tried hard to smile;
“ yups…. Au revoir !! “ Sreya said;

“ au revoir !! “, Nil’s voice floated from a distance as he left for home.
Nil checked Gmail again and again; it was clear Anushka had stopped coming online; and even if she did , she was either invisible or just came to check for important mail; the smiling , cheerful girl whom he had met six months back in the French girl had turned into a gloomy girl…… as if the butterfly went back to her cocoon stage once again; looking at the college pictures, Nil went back to those days…to that past ..when things happened. Nil and Akash were 1st yr engineering students ; good friends they were , they together started doing a foreign language course in French ; Anushka and Sreya happened to belong to the literature department of the same university and coincidentally they too had joined the foreign language course; on the 1st day, Anushka and Sreya went together, sat together and cared little about the people around them; it was 2nd day of class when Anushka had arrived alone; Sreya was supposed to come provided her boyfriend, Priam dropped her in time ; Anushka was sitting idle on the 1st bench when Nil came; seeing her alone in the 1st bench, he asked her gently, “ hey… mind if I sit here ?? “
“ oh sure !! “, Anushka had smiled back; Anushka was a very sweet and friendly girl and Nil with his gentleness and charming nature started up the conversation; soon within some minutes both were busy talking with each other and the fact
that they belonged to the same university gave them a sense of gratification!!
“ madam… !! “, Sreya dropped her bag in front of Anushka; “ aha seems like you got a new friend!! “ , she smiled teasingly ;
“ oh… this is Nil… ! ‘”, replied back the girl excitedly; and Sreya soon joined in the conversation; Akash who was busy with a group of girls saw Nil with two charming girls…. Somehow his eyes met with Anushka’s and he felt she was different from others …… ; he soon came up to them and patting Nil ‘s back he had remarked , “ hey buddy…. Don’t wanna introduce me to your friends ? “ throwing a sharp smile ;
“sure dude, “ Nil had replied and introduced them; slowly as days grew four of them became very close friends on and off campus; their free times were spent lazily by the lake or in the green fields or at food courts of shopping malls; Sreya who needed to give time to Priam would often leave Anushka with Nil and Akash ,knowing well that at least Nil was there for he seemed to be more responsible than Akash; the college pictures were taken during those happy moments when all of them were there together; Nil slowly found his best friend in Anushka and he cared for her more than anyone could in this world; Anushka’s innocence, charm and simplicity even made akash spend time with them leaving his fan following girls;it was one day when Akash had come up to Nil, “ Nil, this is serious !! you are the only one who can help me out !! “
“ me?? “ Nil had replied back quite surprised;
“ yes; I wanna make it straight , clear and short !! “
“ okay..go on… “
“ listen I feel I love anushka and I want her as my girlfriend !! “ before Akash could finish, Nil interrupted;
“wait…WHAT DO YOU MEAN AKASH?? “ he asked seriously;
“ yes I love Anushka; and I will propose her !!”

“ leave it Akash…. !! “, Nil had said; “ Anushka likes both of us I know and I too love her; why don’t you leave us?you have your fan following girls …why don’t you get one of them?; irritation and agitation reflected in Nil’s tone;
“ coz she is not like other girls; she is different !! “ , Akash replied boldly;
“ you can’t do this !! “, Nil burst out ;
“ I have already done it !! “
“ WHAT THE F DO YOU MEAN BY ‘ I HAVE DONE IT ‘ ?? “
“ Well…. I know you too liked her and so I proposed her first and I knew you would do anything to stop me ; so I told you after she accepted me !! “, Akash said with cruel looks and went on…” your cell was in silent and Anushka could not tell you ; she told me to inform you; that’s why I came !! “
“WAIT !!! “
“ WHAT?? “
“ I AM GOING TO TELL ANUSHKA THAT YOU ARE A FLIRT AND THAT YOU MADE FRIENDSHIP WITH HER JUST TO HAVE HER AS YOUR GIRLFRIEND !! “
Akash was stunned at this; he knew well that quarrel would not affect Nil ; and how hard Nil was , his weakness was Anushka; so he decided to act differently;” oh…Nil… I can do anything for you… “ all of a sudden Akash started begging him ; “Nil…. I really love her…I really love Anushka…see she is happy for our engagement…. Do you want to ruin her happiness by telling her about me?? Do you want her to repent for the decision she has taken?...please Nil… I beg you !! “
Nil was very practical and he knew that it will create more complications if he spills the beans; misunderstandings will follow and nobody can predict what will happen; Anushka after all accepted Akash… so it was better to leave things; he only wanted to see Anushka happy for her smile meant to him the most;
“ hmmmm !!’, he had said coldly…” fine !! the deal is promise me Akash, that you will keep Anushka happy forever; that’s all I want you to do for me ;
“ yah sure …!! Deal done !! “ Akash smiled happily and left
Nil alone.

As Nil brooded over this history it reminded him how things changed after Anushka’s engagement; Akash soon showed his real image ; his dominance over Anushka, his ignorance became the cause of Anushka’s daily tears; Nil stayed by her side and she depended upon him more than ever ; Akash ‘s behavior clearly reflected that he simply needed Anushka’s image to show off….he never loved her truly; in spite of all these , Nil never told Anushka to break up and kept his feelings concealed; the level of understanding and care and responsibility the two ( Nil and Anushka ) had for each other was so great that its difficult to find these even in a “ perfect couple “ these days; thinking long and hard, Nil realized it must be this matter or related to this that have been troubling her keeping her in her prolonged silence ; it was late in the night ; Nil looked up at the stars; he closed his eyes with folded hands and prayed…. “ God !! please remove this stagnancy…I know by the power of true love, I will be able to bring back Anushka ‘s smile !! “ and he waited for the right moment and the right chance .

Anushka and Sreya met Nil in their French class; Akash did not come and none of the girls were eager to enquire about the reason; after the class was over , Anushka went up to the teacher with her French book to clear some doubts; Nil , who was sitting beside Sreya, casually said, “ can you give me Anushka’s French notebook?? Tell her I will give it back to her tomorrow ; I am sure she wont mind if I take it !! “
“ why will she?? “ Sreya said giving the pink diary from Anushka’s bag, mistaking with the blue one which was the French notebook;
“ here it is “, she said handing it over to Nil; Nil left before Anushka came ; Sreya on her way home explained that
Nil asked for her French diary and she had given it to him ; the girl had no issues with it .
Trying to get a break from all the things going around him, Nil decided to concentrate on French and took out the pink diary;going through the pages he was struck with wonder; “ it is not Anushka’s French diary !! “ he remarked to himself; “ it’s the one I gave her on her birthday !! “ he gathered up the courage to flip through the pages and found the key to the problems that caused chaos in his mind; the writings in the diary went on like this………………………………

Dear Diary,
Trust me …I am really confused…I don’t know what is going around me…. I can’t figure out …I feel like repenting for a decision I took sometime back….. but I know things are complicated now; and I messed up everything; Diary…. I can’t tell this to Nil…. It will trouble Sreya if I tell her… I feel like helpless…I feel I am lost; Nil gave you to me… I know had you been Nil , you too would have listened to my endless chattering without any complaint…. But you see if I tell this to Nil…. I will mess up things even more; I already messed things up…and I don’t wanna make anymore; well….. I have realized a very truth of my life….i have liked Akash… that’s for sure…but if I have loved someone…its NIL; It was a fault on my part that I accepted Akash…. And after that I know I am not happy with him…..I have also realized the vulnerability of my relation with Akash; he has been a flirt and he will remain so; and I know I mean nothing to him rather than his status; diary…. Trust me I am not comparing between Akash and Nil…I am comparing between like and love.;…. I love to be with Nil…. I love his company…he is my best friend…caring and understanding; I know how worried I get for Nil….. I don’t know…..when I started loving Nil…. diary… to love someone is not a sin until and unless you expect from him… right ?? but what if Nil hears all these??? I know he was trying to be my best friend…what if he thinks badly of me?? What if he misunderstands me?? Diary…. I can’t tell these to him…. It will ruin our friendship…. I am becoming too much dependent on him…its better we give each other space…. And the way Akash shouted at me for enquiring of that girl with very cheap profile pictures, I know he will soon get rid of me… its better for us if I leave them…I don’t want to ruin the friendship between Nil and Akash because of me …. Diary…I will manage…. I will manage and divert my ways of life…after all it is I who committed the sin…may be in ignorance… but I did it… and I will pay for it if I cant fix up…coz there is no way of fixing ….its my fate… and the saddest part of my life…and its between me and you…….ok diary…. Good night; my voice is chocked… and my hands are shaking… don’t know what awaits me; you take care;


Nil read it again and again……. All that he was trying to know lay in front of him; he went through it twice and thrice…… ‘ now he knows the truth….. Anushka had taken up the decision already…. !! an escapist !! but will that fix things?? How can?? Akash will move on….. nothing matters to him …. But what about him?? How will he, Nil live up to the situation?? How can he afford to lose his true love?? Then again… people knew about Akash and Anushka …. What will they say…. What will the society say ?? but if Akash leaves Anushka or be it otherwise, Anushka , if she marries, will marry someone else !! then?? Why can’t Nil be that someone else?? ‘ ; Nil was troubled between friendship and love ; ‘ what about friends? Rumors spread quickly in the air than the truth; is he strong enough to face it?? Is he strong enough to handle things?? Is he strong enough to walk boldly in front of everyone with Anushka’s hand and declare to the world that he loves her?? Will things change between him and Akash after he gets engaged with Anushka?? Will things change with his friends?? can he tackle all that?? What about the boy’s common room….?? The canteen…. The lab…. The classroom !! their relation will be the hot gossip for the next few months!! Is he still matured enough to tackle all these…. To say upon anyone’s face … “ITS MY LIFE!! ITS MY WISH HOW I LEAD IT !! “ but then again… life is not about you and me… we all live in a society…. We belong to the society as much as the society forms an integral part of our lives!! Is he that much matured enough to deal with this…fate was in his hands now…things depended on how he plays his cards !! ‘
Just at that moment Anushka’s picture fell from one of the pages; like the spring gushes out from the mountain rock, 2 drops of tears fell on the picture…. “I will make my weakness my strength !! “, echoed Nil’s bold voice as he looked at the picture ;his eyes were fixed at it for some moments .
In the meantime, things had changed with Anushka and Sreya too; returning home Anushka could not find her pink diary; tensed and nervous, she called up Sreya;
“ hey sweetie !! “, Sreya said pleasantly over the phone ;
“ SREYA… DON’T TELL ME YOU GAVE MY PINK DIARY TO NIL !! “, Anushka’s voice was shaking in nervousness;
“ well…. I did … !! “ , Sreya replied casually; “ but what’s wrong about it.?? “
“Oh no !! “ , Anushka broke down !! she had no ther option but to tell everything… the diary thing…. Everything to Sreya !! she cried over phone…. She had no clue about anything; Sreya thought and advised , “ you can’t change the past…its better to leave everything on time; Nil is very matured guy and I know whatever decision he will take , it will be good for you both; we can’t do anything now !! give him time ;” Anushka listened silently; she had nothing else to do but to wait.
Nil was silent that night; pondering over the things again and again, at last he had been able to gain strength; and he wanted to retain it throughout the night; no sms..no chat…no orkutting…no facebooking that night;he went to sleep early; in the morning, he text-ed anushka, “ hey dr;wil madam go fr lunch wit me;u cnt gv xcuse f cls;I kno u dnt hav any aftr lunch;I wanna give ur diary bk 2;no xcuse; wil pick u up at 1:40; I wil cum ovr 2 ur dept. “

Anushka forwarded the SMS to Sreya who advised her to go with Nil and she foresaw the rainbow of happiness; Anushka agreed.
Nil came right at 1:40 and caught Anushka and Sreya coming out of the classrooms; Sreya was in shorts and a T- shirt; Anushka was dressed in slim-fit blue jeans and a very pretty green frock- cut top; her hair was neatly arranged by clips and the black eye-liners made her dear eyes prominent ; ignoring the remarks passed by some people, Nil walked up straight to the girls and grabbing Anushka by hand, he said to Sreya , “ will see ya later !! “ on the way he sent her message , “ gt ur mail ds morn; dnt wry; thngs wil b fine; I wil mk thngs ok; m nt a dumbass ;tk cr “;
Anushka was silent all the way; Nil too didn’t open his mouth; he only observed Anushka’s facial reactions; he knew the girl was scared and nervous and laughed within himself; at the food court the silence was broken.
“so, what do want …. For lunch ?? “, he smiled at Anushka ;
“uummm….. anything…. !! “ Anushka’s voice trembled ;
Nil looked at the counters and said , “ well… am sorry but they don’t sell here any food called “ anything “ ; so… we have to get something else !! “ he exclaimed coolly ; Anushka tried to smile; Nil was always like this….at least Anushka never knew somebody more humorous than Nil ever existed in this world…at least in her world ; she could have laughed or could have started conversation but she was still worried about the diary stuff; all the while she kept on thinking about this , she felt some one trying to do something with her hair; she looked back and saw Nil trying to clip her hair;
“ this little red rose really looks beautiful on your hair “, he smiled in reply to Anushka’s silence as her eyes looked at him as if saying, “ what are you trying to do with my hair !! “ the girl was puzzled ;she had no idea how she was going to behave; ‘ she can’t call up Sreya in front of Nil and ask her for advise ;and she can’t even SMS her as Nil could see it ; so it was better to be silent; ‘ after he was finished tying the red rose, he kept his bag over the table and spoke up again, “ well…. It seems my dear madam is speechless for some reasons…anyway.. I am hungry… am going to get chicken momo and cold drink for us ; “ and he went off to order food knowing pretty well that chicken momo and cold drink was Anushka’s favourite; Nil managed to take Anushka’s cell with him which she had kept on the table testing her patience and keeping her frightened for a bigger surprise; he brought the tray and arranged the food; sitting right in front of her, he made direct eye-contact with Anushka ;she could not escape it; sternly he said, “ now listen to me carefully; whatever I am going to say is for everyone’s happiness; and you will do what I say; “
Anushka was trying to speak up but Nil interrupted her;
“listen to me 1st “, he said more sternly; “ Akash and you will have to part by hook or crook ; even if you don’t do it yourself, Akash will do it himself; so we can make things happen in this manner….. you need to question Akash about his gang of girls; you need to speak up your rights and as far as I know Akash, he will eventually break up coz I know he doesn’t care about you ; and then you will get your true love and I will get mine ; I know everything now !! “; tears rolled from Anushka’s eyes and flooded her cheeks ; “ and the red rose is already tied to your hair”, Nil continued , “ so you will get your love and I will get mine !! “; he paused; Anushka stood up and embraced him;Nil took her soft arms in his arms and embraced her; Anushka burst into tears; for half an hour she cried in Nil’s arms; Nil patted her hair softly and caressed her and placed a kiss on her cheeks……. It was a dream come true for both of them; after that Nil helped her out with the food and the rest of the day she spent near the lake only in his arms; very few little words were exchanged; Nil informed Sreya about the incidents; Anushka behaved in the way advised by Nil and as usual, infuriated egoistic Akash, by his usual nature got tired and felt he could not continue the relationship anymore; he asked for a meeting and Anushka, Nil, Sreya and Akash met; Akash declared the end freeing Anushka from the bonds but somehow suspecting Nil could be behind this, he targeted Nil ;
“ back off !! “, Nil exclaimed as Akash spilled out slangs; “ you broke the deal Akash; its not my fault ; its yours !! “
Akash grabbed him by the collar and munching his fists, he shouted “ you…. Bloody devil….. just F- off…….. you and your emotional little fool…. I will get thousands BETTER girls…who needs a … !! “
Nil rescued himself; it was enough for him and he knew he had to face it; “ you done with your lecture ?? “ , he smiled adding fuel to the fire ; Anushka and Sreya observed them and Nil soon left Akash who kept on muttering slangs to Anushka.
A week later…it was the same green field; Anushka sat with Nil in his arms, lazily trying to play with his fair large finger with her fair smaller ones; Nil was caressing her while talking with Priam who was sitting with them along with Sreya; they were talking of happy things…..suddenly Sreya remarked … “ some things will never change !! “ pointing out to the path where everyone spotted Akash walking happily with a girl in mini- skirts in his arms; all four of them laughed ; Anushka whispered softly in Nil’s ears, “ like our true love “ , and smiled at him her eyes met with Nil’s ….. the air was filled with happiness and the scarlet rays of the sun brightened up the blushes and the love-plays of the young couple in true love.